location locomotion

Where am I?

I'm hovering just above the surface, moving my feet to keep up appearances, keeping out of the way. Buildings, trees, trash bins, mailboxes, anything bolted down. They're the ones moving.

Of all the things my eyes make me aware of, I identify most with clouds. The only reason I love flying is to be closer to them, to imagine being on top or inside them. But flying costs money and I can't do it on my own and everyone expects me to act in their definition of correct.

Does that make me crazy? Damn, I'm where Cee Lo was when he wrote those lyrics. I lost my imagination. I feel like it's in there somewhere, but it doesn't dream anymore; all my mind does is look around and boggle at how far humanity has come for nothing.

Don't worry. I know I've spent my life doing nothing, wanting nothing. I'm aware this year called 2011 has been spent regretting, making excuses, taking them back, blaming myself instead, losing friends, losing touch, losing weight, losing confidence, losing hope, falling back. The thought that scares me most is that I won't bounce back. Every day I'm scared I've already burned out and will spend the rest of my life a dead weight to those around me.

We are alive in chaotic times. Technology has begun to evolve faster than humanity, and generations are being left behind; they seem desperate to claw us down with them, if only philosophically.

If someone were to end my time tomorrow, would I feel cheated? Right now, not at all.

Osama Bin Laden is dead. I thought it was a joke when I read it. I don't really think it makes a shits difference, but it pisses me off how desperate the press was to make a point that he hid behind someone when the team moved in, referring to him as a warrior in quotation. Granted the cat was a clitbite, but who gave you the first stone?

Me, I ain't throwing any more rocks. the world can get as weird as it wants, I'm somewhere else now, not sure if I'll come back. Part of me wants to, but that part's not around right now, you want me to take a message?

I guess I want to get older, just to see what the next generation remembers and what they choose to leave out. The internet is the new history, the new collective consciousness.

All I want is to feel like my consciousness wasn't a total waste of time. I'd better get started.