No Lies, No Excuses, No Apologies.

This is a motto to live by. Not in a stand-offish "i'm always right" way, but more as something to strive for, a life where these things do not exist because they don't have to. Imagine that for a moment. A world where we don't need to lie to one another, we don't need to make excuses, and we don't need to make apologies. Why lie when everyone can be trusted? Why make excuses when the real reason will always bring greater understanding, and why apologize for bad things you haven't done? i want to make that world a reality.

the powerful lust that consumed me over the last month has faded. all the bullshit washed away last night and i faced the one thing about myself i've been hiding from all my life, the one thing i need to fix before i can accomplish anything. this is something big. something i'm so ashamed of i find it hard to mention it here, but the humbling needs to start now and i hope you, Internet, will be graceful in your treatment of me. know that i'm trying to change.

i've always operated over the assumption that i'm better than everyone else, despite constant evidence to the contrary. i've spent years trying to avoid facing this, trying to humble myself in public, adjusting every detail of my personality to hide this fact. i'm tired of that. i just want to start living. i don't know my place in this world, i feel that place is an abstract idea. i'm here and i don't know what i want to do other than try and make this world just a little bit crazier. i want to blow minds, create new worlds, and bring as much laughter to the world as i possibly can, but to do this i need drive to accomplish it and i need to understand that i will never be superior to anyone.

i need to fix this. i don't know how. it'll be a matter of conditioning, like Greg said. For now I'm starting with cold shower and workout in the morning. the morning doldrums are hard to kick for, they can take over an entire day. i hope that a certain woman shoving a rubber dick down my throat will help me in some way. one of these days i'd like to have a lust for life every day instead of once in a while, and it'd be nice to come by it naturally.

and what's more natural than getting face-fucked with a strap-on?